Hey, What Do You Expect?
by Blazer-Of-Heat
Summary: 2 Pteris, 1 insane tanager, his roommate, his roommates demandevil's daughter sister, and a lot of explosives. What do you expect?
1. From the Pound to

What A Life

All neopets have one of two feelings when they hear the pound. If the owner was nice and caring, they feel terror and sadness. If the owner was mean and uncaring, joy.

However, two Pteris hated it, until it brought them together, with a new, nice, caring owner.

The first was Borci. The only reason he was there was that his owner died in a car crash. He was flame painted, but no one cared. The other was Anglepie112. She was called Angle for short, and was painted White. Her owner thought she was useless, and dumped her. But, unlike Borci, who had been there a year, she would only spend a week there.

A 15 year old teen made his way to the pound, thinking about random things. Alright, maybe random wouldn't describe it. He was thinking of blowing up Canada, and France, with an atomic bomb. And ruling the world from North Dakota. And how to make monkeys handle guns. But hey, to him it was random.

When he got there, he was greeted by a Uni. She said, "Hello sir, I take it you are here to adopt?"

The teen replied, "Yes I am. I'm looking for one spices, the Pteri. Do you have 2 currently residing?"

"We do. Their names are Borci, and Anglepie112, or Angle for short. Would you like to see their stats?" The Uni said, while walking to their pen.

"No thanks, just grab them, and any paperwork, so I can get going," the teen said.

"Sure thing," the Uni said, taking the two Pteris out of the cage. Looking at them, she said, "You two better behave, or I might see you again."

"Don't worry," Borci started, "I'll be good, and besides, anywhere is better than that cage."

"I'll behave as my name would say," Angle said, smiling.

The Uni handed the teen the paperwork, and when she received it back, and said, "Thank you, Blazer is it? For adopting these two Pteri. Have a lovely day!"

The teen named Blazer said, "Will do! Come on you two, you can talk with me on the ride home."

"Home, that's a word I didn't think I'd ever use again," Borci said.

"It's a word I think of as torture," Blazer said. "My roommate's sister is a demon, or the devil's daughter, we aren't sure which, and she visits often."

"Well, hey she can't be that bad," Borci said.

"You'll see. Now, tell me about yourselves," Blazer said.

Borci went first and said, "Well, I like explosives, flying, and plain omelets. I dislike France, Canada, and cages. I also want to explore the world."

Angle went next, and said "I like faeries, candy, and movies. I dislike fighting, abandoning friends, and not finishing what you start. I don't really know what I want to do in the future."

Blazer went last, and said, "I like disorder, chaos, insane plans, and I'm addicted to sugar. Fortunately, I don't get the sugar rush other people get. I despise France, loathe my roommate's sister, and hate with ever fiber in my, and everyone else's, being, despise the act of doing nothing at all, unless it's waiting for something to cook, when you could be doing something important. Sorry, did I say important? I meant insane. I want to conquer the world, and will do so in many, many, months!!!" At the last part, he started laughing, and wasn't looking at were he was driving. He then proceeded to run into: an old lady, a tree that was broken, Boy Scout troop 237, Dracula, the Leaning Tower, and a turkey sandwich (hold the mayo!).

"Dude, your 15! Shouldn't you be driving with an adult to get your license?" Borci said, trying not to get sick with the bad driving.

Blazer responded with, "I live in North Dakota. You get your permit at 14, and your license at 15."

"I feel bad for North Dakota civilians then," Angle said, holding her stomach.

"I do too," Borci agreed, scared out of his wits.

Alright! First chap done! For the record, one line means change in location, time, or both. 2 lines means done or beginning. And the thing about ND's driving age? It's true. I spent a while there.


	2. First Impressions

First Impression

When they arrived at home, or to Blazer, torture on dirt, Borci ran to the bushes and barfed for about 20-30 seconds, then moved back, still a little green, but if it was on someone else, it would be a dark shade of green down to the neck.

"Now, be careful, the devil's daughter/demon is visiting, or if you want her name, Ab. She is torture, torture, torture!!!" Blaze said, going into a hysterical fit.

"Just open the door before I blow it up," Borci said, still a little woozy.

"Borci! Mind your manners, he adopted us, remember?" Angle said.

"Oh no. That's how we open the front door. We use around a pound of C4 explosives, as well as C3, C2, and good old C1. Fire in the hole!" Blazer said, before ducking into the bushes.

"Dear Lord, I was kidding!" Borci said, getting out of the bushes (thankfully not the ones he puked in).

As they walked in, they noticed something. The hall the walked into was normal. The insane lunatic hadn't done anything to the hallway.

"Hold on a sec," Blazer said, pressing a button. The walls flipped, revealing flames, and snails, and burning snails.

"I get the flames, but why snails?" Borci asked.

"My roomie Snail is, as the name says, as slow as a snail most times. His sister should be asl-" before he finished, a cute, innocent looking 5-year old girl walked up.

"Ahagighaeighalelis, Snail!!!" Blaze yelled out, "What is Ab doing up!?!?!?!?!"

A few seconds passed before someone up stairs yelled, "What?!?" Then stomping was heard and Snail, who else could it be, crashed through the ceiling. "But I gave her the 3 week sleeping pills a week ago! She should still be in her chair!"

"Was it the GNT brand?" Blazer yelled.

"Yes!" Snail responded.

"You know she has a tolerance for that, why didn't, oh, never mind," Blazer said, lowering his head.

"How could anything this cute be evil?" Angle asked.

Ab, the evil demon in disguise (sorry, did I give that away? meet her and find out, for, it lives! it lives!) went up to her and said, "You're a boobie!" Then she went up to Borci and said, "You're a boobie too!" She went to Blazer and said, "I love you boobie, you're gonna marry me!" Then going up to Snail, her brother (or so the doctors say) and said, "I hate you boobie!' before kicking him in the shin three times, and head-butted him in the private. Did I mention she ran off into the den were the calculator was stored? (Those who have heard this story the real life one, knows what happens next).

"Please, please, please tell me you didn't leave the calculator out," Blazer said, worry on his face.

"I did," Snail said, his face whiter that white on the color spectrum.

"Um, what does that have to do with anything?" Borci asked, looking at the two.

Suddenly, a 4x4 piece of plastic with a plus sign on it flew by, missing Blazer by two inches.

"That little, ohhhh see is gonna meet my monkeys of mayhem!" Blazer said dodging another square of plastic with a minus sign.

"They won't work, your flying monkeys are still on vacation, I told you the two groups have romance between them!" Snail said, after dodging another piece of plastic with a number one on it.

After dodging for about three minutes, the onslaught finished.

"THAT'S IT!" Blazer yelled, running in.

After 5-6 minutes of what sounded like a little demon girl being forced to swallow sleeping pills, Blazer walked out of the room and said, "Have Snail show you around, I'm heading to bed. Oh, by the way, DO NOT EVER TOUCH MY STORE OF GUNPOWDER, or at least without my knowledge. Night!"

Blazer walked upstairs, and Angle turned to face Snail saying, "For someone who is slow, you sure dodged those buttons fast. What gives?"

Snail replied with, "At the mere thought of my sister, I instantaneously lose the slowness for a week or so. That, and I had coffee this morning, and it's finally kicking in. Anyway, this floor has, my sister's room, the kitchen, the living room, and the gunpowder storage room. Upstairs is my room, Blazer's room, 16 bathrooms, and your two's room, which has two beds, since after the 16 bathrooms we had to have you two share a room. And on the roof we have cannons, mortar tubes (the things you shoot fireworks from), 300 pounds of high explosives, and 15 pounds of animal fat for when the FBI and the white men from the happy place come and try to raid our house. Any questions?"

Angle asked, "Um... why do you guys have 16 bathrooms?"

Snail replied with, "So that if one runs out of toilet paper, you just grab some from another!"

"Okay..." Borci said, slowly walking towards the stairs. "I think I'll check our room, maybe go to sleep. You coming Angle?"

"Yes! I mean, sure, I'd like that," Angle said, trying not to run upstairs.

"Well then have a good night!" Snail yelled up to them.

Once the two Pteris got up to their room, they stopped running. They opened the door to find a bedroom with two beds, two doors to two bathrooms, two dressers, two desks with laptops, two chairs, and a giant rug, with the left and back wall painted in red, and the other two painted orange, with the roof painted in yellow. The beds were in the corner (one foot apart them) covered in red sheets, blue blankets, and Orange pillows. There were 3 windows, all side by side.

"I think they need a decorator," said Angle.

"Hey, you live with what you get," said Borci, starting to unpack. "But with the 16 bathrooms, you never have to worry about waiting for someone."

Well? What do you think? Crazy family right? Well, if I do well enough, it will get crazier, and with the next chapter comes some explosives and a start of something new! (Police burst through door)

"You are under arrest for using a line from High School Musical without permission. Come peacefully and you will be treated nicely!"

"You'll never get me coppers! I out run the men in white from the happy place! Got to go, see ya next chapter!"


	3. RoadTrip

Road Trip(s)

1:00 AM

BRING BRING... BRING BRING...

"Arg, it's the phone..." Borci said, getting up.

Down the hall...

Blazer had just gotten up, walked to the phone. "Gillo, this is Blazer, the Insane future ruler of the world! Yep, he's here, why? Okay, okay, you can talk to him! Gee!" Blazer walked up to were Snail was, and yelled, "SNAIL, GET UP!"

Snail popped up saying, "I'm up, I'm up!"

Outside the door, Borci set up a tape recorder and went back to bed.

9:00 AM

Getting the tape recorder, he walked into the room were Angle was waiting. "Well," she started "what was it all about?"

"Well, considering what I heard at the end, I could tell you know. Or would you like to listen to the magical tape recorder of fancifulness play it?" Borci said, acting like a fairy for the last few words.

"Just tell me please," Angle said, tapping her foot.

"Basically, Snail has to go with Ab back to his house, and he has to stay with her there until his parents get back with his bro. Then, Blazer cursed using every curse word in English, German, Japanese, and Swahili, plus, I think he used some known only to fish. Who knew he could speak German fluently?" Borci said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, that would explain the Room For Rent sign, but not the fact he put up "enough room for 1 Human and 4 Pets" sign. Unless Snails room was that big," Angle said, looking out the window.

At that time, a car drove into the driveway, carrying a girl who looked like a cat hanyou complete with cat ears and tail, with waist length black hair, black eyes, and was wearing a black baby tee with a hot pink skull design on the chest, low, boot cut jeans and a pair of shinobi sandals. The pet in shotgun seat looked almost ready to jump out of the car, most likely due to the fact that she ran over, 5 men's cars, girl scout troop 695, and a turkey sandwich (hold the mayo!), was a blue, male Gelert. Sitting in the back, left from right, was a female yellow Uni, a female yellow Kacheek, and a female blue Usul.

"Gillo frouline!" Blazer said.

The girl's cat ears twitched. Then, the blue Gelert whispered to the Usul, "When she pulls out fluffy, I'll drive us to Canada to establish an alibi."

The girl said, "Did you just say feline?"

Blazer replied with, "No, I said frouline. It's German for miss, like Ich bin ein verruckter Tacokopf, mit Energic uber Feuer is German for I am a crazy taco head with power over fire. And, judging from the lack of a wedding ring, I'm assuming you're not married. And, while I'm guessing, you want the spare rooms, right? If so, let me introduce me and my pets. I am Blazer The Burner, the white Pteri is Anglepie112, but we call her Angle, and the fiery Pteri is Borci. Und du? (German for "and you?")"

The girl just smiled, and said, "I'm Kaede, the blue Gelert is Corin, the yellow Uni is Goldbeauty, but call her Goldie if you want to see your next breath, the yellow Kacheek is Sandy, ask her anything in a book, and she will know it, and finally, the blue Usul is Windy, just don't give me and here your money, or we will spend it all shopping. Anything else, Blazer-kun? (Not sure if I used the right honorific, I'll have Kaede tell me later)"

Suddenly Blazer's cell phone went of, and he looked at the caller ID. Borci, who saw it from were he was at, saw it read, SNAIL'S WARNING CELL PHONE. Blazer's face turned as white as when Ab was in the den. "Change in plans. BORCI, ANGLE, PACK YOUR BAGS!" Blazer said, pulling out a remote control.

Borci and Angle rushed out, muttering something about never even unpacking. Blazer then said, "Due to reasons beyond my control, we will be moving. The house will convert into a bus that will have the exact same space, just differently organized. Please, do not panic. Oh, and WEASEL FOR PRESIDENT!" Blazer then made a W with his right hand fingers, like the man from the German car commercials, and pushed the red button. The house then moved over, covered Kaede's car, then turned into an English double-decker bus. In the bus, one could see the four neopets freaked out.

Rushing them in, Blazer hopped into the bus, driving away, as two girls walked up to where the house used to be, and, seeing that it wasn't there, yelled, "You can't escape the pink fluffy chamber of doom that easily! WE! WILL! GET! YOU! BLAZER! THE! BURNER!"

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Gillo! Didn't think I'd leave, did ya? Well, time for the last minute wrap-up! Anyone notice a trend with the driving? If you don't know, you will in the future! And yes, Blazer's middle name is The. Also, for future reference, Kaede is now a co-author here! Yay! Dododododododododododododo, dododododododododo! (Play that to merry go round music) And yes, all that is actual German. I should know, I looked up the crazy taco thing. For the record, I do do (lol, do-do, lol) the weasel thing, just ask Bleachfan93 and she'll confirm it. And, as for the pink fluffy chamber of doom, (SHUDDERS) it exists, and it is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111one. Note: Kaede uses Japanese honorifics, and I use German. Questions on Japanese, ask Kaede, whose pen name is

oOo-Kaede Higuchi-oOo, for German, ask me. Wow, does anyone read this stuff? If so, let me know through a review, along with what you think of the story!


	4. On with the showerroad trip!

**Konichiwa! Kaede here. As you can obviously see, I'm writing this chapter, so yeah. Oh, and Blaze-kun and I don't own anything but our pets, ourselves, and will soon take over Canada to establish the biggest park/manga/anime/videogame/cosplay place ever made in human (and feline) history. Anyway, ON WITH THE STORY!**

On with the show-er-road trip!

"Ok, that was, like, totally weird.", said a pretty confused Windy while looking out of the bus's back window at the angry girls shaking their fists at them, or rather at Blazer. Corin just shrugged and answered, "Well, it's not as if we don't deal with that every day of our lives." His sisters muttered solemnly in agreement.

Meanwhile, in the front of the bus, at the driver and passenger seats, Kaede and Blazer were chatting about random things. Ok, they were actually arguing about what's best to use against Canada, a massive electromagnetic bomb or with an army of commando squirrels with mini jars of mayonnaise, Kaede being on the bomb side, Blazer on the squirrel side. "Bomb!""Squirrels!""Bomb!""Squirrels!""Bomb!""Squirrels!", then all of a sudden, they said at the same time, "PICKLES!!" "Agreed, throwing pickles at random people is the best way for taking over a country.""Yes, I completely agree." Borci and Angle were bored to death with the argument, and decided to unpack their stuff, since they didn't have a chance to.

"Hey, you guys! Wanna see our petpets?", oh well, so much for unpacking. Sandy's offering was kinda tempting, anyway.

In the bus's living room, the pteri duo found the other four pets playing with four petpets. Sandy was the first one to show off her mallard. "His name's Daffy. He likes chocolate and manga."Next came Windy and her wadjet, "This is Honey. She's my best friend since forever." While they had a moment, much to the other's disturbance, Goldie presented her angelpuss, "This is Kate. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep around her. She's a practical joker." Angle eyed the puss warily, while Kate just looked on with the most innocent eyes you'd ever see. Finally, Corin introduced his fire meturf, "His name's Furby. Don't ask me why, Kaede picked out his name."

All of the sudden, the bus stopped with a jolt, and everyone fell over. Borci poked his head out of the door, and called, "Hey Blazer! What happened?" For some reason, he dreaded the answer. "Traffic jam. We're not moving for a few hours." Kaede's tail twitched angrily, "What do you mean â€˜a few hours'??""It means we're stuck.""Ok, that's it. I'm getting Fluffy."

Back in the living room, all hell let loose. Sandy and Goldie were running around pointlessly screaming their heads off with their poor petpets holding on to their heads for dear life, Windy was still in her moment with Honey without any idea of what the heck is happening, Corin was banging his head against the floor with his meturf looking at him worriedly, and Angle just watched on with a 'What the fudge is happening here???' look. "Ummm...did I...miss something?""No, but now all hell just broke loose.""Well, who's Fluffy?" Corin just looked up from the floor and answered, "Not '˜who' but '˜what'. It's her bazooka." and then he continue to slam his head against the floor. "Who'd name a bazooka '˜Fluffy'?""That only happens in Kaede-world.", said Windy, who just came out of her moment, "Why'd you mention it, anyway?""Coz she got it out." Borci immediately regretted answering. She started copying her sisters with a shriller scream than Sandy's.

BOOM!!! A few minutes later, another jolt indicated that they were on the move again, but somewhat faster, if possible. Angle peeked out of the room, seeing the cat half-demon, a triumphant smile on her face, and leaning on her shoulder a frickin' HUGE bazooka with '˜Fluffy' written on the side with hot pink bubble letters.

"Well, I got rid of the traffic, but I gave away my location to the men in white from the happy place."

"Drat. We'll lose them on the way to Mount Rushmore."

All Angle could think about was, '_What have I gotten myself into???'_

**So, yeah. That's the whole chapter. Review or I'll sic Fluffy on you!**


	5. Mt What?

**Mt. What?**

As Blazer drove to Mt. Rushmore, (hitting 6 stop signs on the way) Borci and Angle finished unpacking. As Borci walked up to the front of the bus, he heard Blazer and Kaede talking about how to blow something up. But when he walked up to ask them, they shifted to a different conversion.

"So let me get this straight, you can understand German, but can't speak it?" Blazer asked Kaede.

"Just like you can understand Japanese, but can't speak it. Weird, isn't it?" Kaede said.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it? Anyway, what weapons and explosives do you have?" Blazer said.

"I've got...70 kunai knives...50 mini shuriken...3 large shuriken...20 smoke bombs...4 weapon summoning scrolls...Fluffy...20 flash bombs...100 exploding tags...and a massive electromagnetic bomb. Oh, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Kaede said.

"You handle the FBI, I'll handle Bush W. George," Blazer said, smirking.

"I'm a little scared to ask, but what are you two thinking?" Borci asked.

"Only about how to get the pickles to take over Canada. But don't worry, only 99.9 of it is illegal. Hey, why don't you go hang out with Angle, we won't get to Mt. St Helen's for about 20 more minutes," Blazer said.

"No, no, it's Mt. Everest we are heading to, remember?" Kaede said.

"You're both wrong, we're heading to Mt. Rushmore!" Borci yelled.

Both Blazer and Kaede looked at him and asked, "Mt. What?"

At this time, Borci took Blazer's idea and went to talk to Angle. Although you wouldn't get him to admit it, he thought she was kind of pretty.

"Hey, Corin, quick question, how sane is Kaede?" Borci asked, knowing he wouldn't get a good answer.

"Are we talking when she has Fluffy out, or when she doesn't?" Corin responded.

"There is a difference?" Borci said, beginning to think he should gag the two, and then drag them to the men in white's happy place.

"Oh yeah. When she doesn't have Fluffy out, she rates a 8 on a 10 point scale of insanty. With Fluffy, she is a 9.5. From what I can tell, Blazer is an 8.5, but, when given a weapon of choice, will be a 69." Corin said, looking scared at the thought.

"Well, I found a flamethrower in Blazer's room, with the name 'Aqua' on it, though who names their flamethrower Aqua?" Angle said, holding a pointing to a flamethrower on his bed, one that probably shot blue flames out.

"Well, I couldn't call it Flame, that just wouldn't fell right," said Blazer, who seemed to appear next to Corin.

"Ahhhhhh! Don't do that!" Borci yelled, swinging his arms/wings around so much that he hit Corin, who proceeded to fall to the floor.

Of course, do to the insanity, no one was paying attention to him.

"Who's driving this bus house car thing?!?" Angle yelled.

"Oh, we're already at Mt. St Helen's." Blazer said.

"What do you mean, we're at Mt. Everest," Kaede said, appearing nearly as mysteriously as Blazer did.

"Oh, don't mind me, I'm just lying on the floor, probably with a concussion," Corin said, finally getting up off the floor.

Still ignoring Corin, Borci yelled, "It's Mt. Everest!"

Suddenly, there was a big bang, sounding like about 60 pounds of very high explosives, and a bunch of dust and debris hit the car/bus/house.

"Ah, there she is, Mt. St Helen's, my work of art, the reformed mountain!" Blazer said, looking out the window, tearing up a little.

"How long have we been here to allow you to set up that much explosives?" Windy asked.

"Just about, 13 minutes. Oh look, the dust is clearing!" Blazer said.

In the amount of dust that still hung in the air, you could see what used to be Mt. Rushmore, a statue of Blazer holding a flag on top of a very accurate globe, with Kaede sitting on a throne over Canada.

"Oh, look, the FBI are here. I'll go kidnap them, and then we can negotiate with Bush W. George for what we want," Kaede said, walking out with two kunai in her hand.

As she walked out, Borci thought, 'What explosive did he use to to be that precise?'

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Sorry for the late update, but I had trouble with the most common enemy of fanfic writes, school. But, fear not, this won't continue, for, after the first few days, it gets easier. I have only one last wish before I go and let Kaede write the next chapter, and that is that I had more to rant about.


End file.
